A Lesson In Faith
by InTheCompanyOfDragons
Summary: Pastor Jim and Dean have a talk about faith and moving on. Brotherhood AU by Ridley One Shot Reviews are like food.


A Lesson In Faith

Jim exited the Hunters Tomb and walked into the kitchen when he heard the familiar rumble of the Impala pull up the driveway. It had been over a month since Sam had left for Stanford, and Caleb told Jim he would bring Dean by after their latest hunt. Jim was worried about Dean, they all were. After his stay at Caleb's where he had began to withdraw like he had when he was a kid, he had begun to snap back, and him and Caleb were hunting together when John was off on his own for awhile trying to wrap his head around the fact Sam was gone, at least that is what everyone assumed, nobody had heard from John Winchester in a couple of weeks.

"Hey Jim." Caleb called walking through the front door. He gave the Pastor a quick one armed hug.

"Nice to see you Caleb, it has been too long."

"I was here three months ago, it hasn't been that long, I believe you are finally starting to lose it old man." Jim smiled.

"Well, this old man misses when the farm was filled with kids. I think it was a happier place back then. Where's Dean?" Caleb sighed.

"He is sitting out by the pond he has been pretty quiet lately, but we pulled him out of his quiet place and he doesn't seem to be going back."

"How is he?" Caleb shrugged.

"I dunno he's… he's Dean, just a quieter more complacent Dean. He is just trying to adjust to everything that is happening... He will get better when John gets back from whatever bender he is on." Jim sighed, it was no secret that The Knight often buried his feelings in a bottle or two of whiskey, but Jim was disappointed in his friend, he should be here with his son. As much as Jim card for John, he knew he wasn't winning any Parent of the Year awards.

"Why don't you go get unpacked, I'm going to go and talk to Dean."

"Good plan Jim, go hang out by the water that you two seem to love so much." Caleb said grimly, he hated the water.

Jim made his way across the property thinking about all the good times that had been shared on the farm. This place that had once been his and Emma's home, and eventually it became the home of Mackland and John, who each brought along their children who had more or less grown up here on the safety of the property. All his boys were grown up now and they were all living their separate lives, and Jim found the silence at the farm depressing in many ways. He would miss those carefree days of childhood bliss. Jim found Dean sitting on the dock, and took a seat beside him without saying anything. Dean was hunched over, as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and he had dark bruises under his eyes from lack of sleep. The two men sat in silence side by side for awhile listening to the ripples in the pond. Water was The Guardian's element, and Jim found the same solitude on the shores of the pond that Dean did.

"Did you know this is the only place I actually got to be a kid?" Dean said suddenly. "Everywhere else I had to have my guard up, I always assumed that something terrible was gonna happen, and honestly, I think that is the only reason we made it through it all. Here I could sleep and screw around, without having to look over my shoulder all the time, I didn't have to worry about keeping us safe, we just were safe." Jim smiled kindly.

"I am glad that I could give you boys that, I was always so worried about you. You have all seen such terrible things in your lifetimes, and unlike your fathers and me, you didn't choose this life, you were raised in it. I have always questioned that choice, wondered if we did more harm then good. With all that you boys knew growing up, I just wanted you to be kids, even just for a few days when you were here, I've always hoped that that meant something."

"It means something Jim, you gave us a family and a home, and that is the most important thing we have, but give me the choice all over again, I would still choose this." Dean said twisting the silver ring on his finger. "I could never walk away, not when I know what is out there in the dark… I could never walk away from my family." Jim knew the underlying message in that last sentence, and he was saddened that after everything it had come to this.

"Samuel didn't walk away from our family Dean, he is just doing what he thinks he has to." Dean scoffed.

"Sam left because what we had wasn't enough for him, he doesn't care about this family, or saving people, he only cares about himself… he is selfish."

"That sounds like your father talking…"

"I don't like the way Dad handled it, but he had a point. You can't just walk away, Sam made his choice he walked away."

"You're angry, but I know you don't believe that, son."

"Why not? He has cut off all contact with all of us, he is ignoring all of our messages, how are those the actions of someone who cares about his family?"

"Dean, I have no doubt in my mind that you know Sam better then anyone else in the world, but let me tell you something that may be slipping your mind. Sam spent his entire life in a bubble that we made, and that bubble was surrounded by evil that was kept at a distance. We spent years attempting to shield him and keep him innocent, and he is the only one on this farm who doesn't remember exactly what brought him into our world. He was just expected to blindly follow, and maybe because of that, we shouldn't have been as hard on him as we were." Dean frowned.

"What's your point Jim?"

"My point is, no matter how short the time for you and Caleb, we all got to live life in some kind of bliss, in a world where monsters didn't exist."

"Sam didn't know either, I made sure of that. I kept him in the dark for as long as I could, against your wishes if I remember correctly."

"Dean, I do not argue that you did the best you could, but Sam did not grow up in the world of normal either, he never lived a day in that world, you got four years of it. Don't take that for granted." Dean sighed.

"I guess I never really thought about it that way… I guess I never really thought about why Sam was so argumentative... I just always thought he got why we do what we do. We do it for the people we have lost, I thought that was enough."

"He gets it, but Samuel never did it for revenge, or because he was angry at the world, he did it for his family, your brother has a fierce loyalty to all of us, especially to you Dean, do not ever forget that. He is a very different breed of hunter because he fights for us, not for anything else, and those qualities will bring him home one day." Dean dipped his hand into the cool water, feeling instantly calmed.

"Why do you think he will come home? He doesn't want to be here."

"I know he will come home, because I have faith." Dean shook his head, he never understood the Pastor's blind faith, it had never been proven to him that there was anything else out there.

"Faith in what? I doubt your God, or the angels or whatever it is you believe in, care if my brother runs away and never comes back." Jim knew Dean had difficulties grasping the idea of God, because of all the evil he had seen; Sam was the only one who believed in God.

"On the contrary I believe God cares a lot about you, but I am not putting my faith in God with this one, I am putting my faith in your brother, and you should too. Sam is not as lost as you believe, he just needs take his own path for little while, but he is still your brother, and we all love him just as much. He is only gone, if you let him go. Just because he can't be here, doesn't mean he cares any less about all of us." Dean pushed back the tears that he refused to let fall, and looked at the Pastor.

"I just miss him Jim, and I don't know what to do." There it was, the confession, Dean showing his heart that had always been too big, but he kept hidden behind his hard armor.

"We all miss him Dean, I never thought the day would come where Sam would be a grown up, and all on his own. Did you see him when you went to Stanford?"

"Yeah, I didn't talk to him, but he is safe."

"Okay, so with Sam safe at Stanford, you just have to put your energy into something else. I know we can't replace him, but you still have family here."

"I know." Dean took one more look at the water, and stood up. "We should get in the house before Damien eats you out of house and home." Jim laughed.

"I will be there in a minute." Jim watched Dean go inside. Jim was proud of Dean, he was proud of all his boys. Jim watched the ripples in the pond and smiled. Dean had a big heart, he would make a perfect Guardian when the time came, and he knew that Caleb would be an excellent Knight, he had sworn his allegiance to the Winchester's long ago. Then there was Sam, for now everyone had to keep their distance, but Jim knew that Sam would come home someday, and take his rightful place as Scholar, but for now, Sam could live his life, far from the Brotherhood, it wasn't his time yet, but when it was Jim knew Sam would find his way back to all of them.


End file.
